The Heart Expands... If We Let It
This year has been difficult for my family. It has been full of transition, friction, struggle, and the profound losses of my mother and sister. It has often felt like being in a mental cocoon, alone with dark and confusing emotions. I have sometimes questioned my ability to hold it all together and persevere.
In my life I've experienced moments of such joy that I honestly thought my heart would burst. And other times, grief and sadness have been so unbearable that I wondered if my heart might shatter into a million little pieces. I often wanted to wall off my heart to self-protect. Feeling these emotional extremes was far too much! And yet when I did that, it seemed to only intensify the pain. In hindsight, of course it did! Pain is energy, and like any other energy, it needs to move through us.
Eventually, I knew I needed to talk to someone. Someone who was judgement-free and had both an open mind and an open heart. This led me to reach out to friends, family, and mental health professionals. For the first time, I was brutally honest about how I felt. It was terrifying. I grew up in a home that taught me to suppress my emotions and never, ever ask for help, even if you were on fire. No matter what, NEVER be a burden. And so asking for help made me feel broken, inadequate, and weak.
And yet, the moment I reached out, I quickly realized how much of an illusion that conditioning really was. My fears could not have been further from the truth.
Between therapy, meditation, and the open dialogue with my loved ones, I soon came to learn that with every life experience—happy or sad—the heart has the opportunity to expand. If we wall ourselves off, the heart remains stagnant. It cannot feel anything and therefore cannot learn from the emotional information it is receiving. If instead we extend our hands and choose honesty over fear, the heart can learn. It can grow stronger. It will expand.
I learned that as much short-term comfort as it may bring to keep our guards up, the long-term consequences are destructive. We cannot go through life with our hearts locked up because we are afraid to feel. Both our loved ones and the world deserve so much more than that. I believe it is our duty—no matter how afraid we are—to tear down those walls and feel it all. In times of joy, tragedy, fear, and celebration, leading with open hearts will always, ALWAYS yield the results we want.
So as I grieve my mother and sister, I am reminding myself of these lessons. I am reminding myself that who I am—at my strongest and my most vulnerable, which are one and the same—is enough. Vulnerability is strength. And no matter what, I am enough. I am reminding myself that the heart expands if we let it, and that asking for help is an act of bravery, self-love, and healing.
Above all things... I wish you love!
Lauri Pavelka Wright is a life coach, artist, and writer at The Butterfly Connection. She sees clients in individual and group settings at her space in south Texas, as well as online. To book a session, click here.
Image by Erik Witsoe on Unsplash
